I am Fluttershy
by Fluttershy shy
Summary: The way people see our lives isn't how they really are. Life has been darker and a lot different for this filly. Rainbow Dash x Fluttershy Big Macintosh x Fluttershy (Please be nice this is my first story)
1. Chapter 1

My name is Fluttershy. I am shy and timid. I get nervous and have panic attacks. I don't like being in big crowds. Being alone for long periods of time makes me panic. I call myself stupid and ugly when I am alone. I come from a big family. I have 3 brothers and 4 sisters. I'm just your normal everyday filly.

My 3 younger brothers are Bennie, Crash and Red Ryder. My older sister is Holly Pop. My 3 younger sisters are Summer Flowers, Rarity and Cherry Pop. Yes, Rarity is my younger sister. Rarity is fifteen. She only seems older because of her voice and she developed kinda early.

My mom had my older sister Holly pop with some stallion when she was 16, she got married then divorced shortly after. Then four years later she met my dad, had me, got married then divorced. Who would have thought that marrying a stallion you met at Narcotics Anonymous wouldn't be a good idea. (Snickering) Sorry. Then my mom met Zeb, my step-dad. He is a zebra. She had my little sister Summer Flowers and a year later Rarity. Then they got married, they haven't divorced…..yet.

My dad got married to a mare, Lemon tart, and had my two little brothers, Bennie and Crash. He divorced Lemon tart a year or so ago.

My older sister had 2 ponies Red Ryder and Cherry Pop. Except P.P.S (Pony Protective Services) stepped in and now they are my brother and sister. Yea.

That's my family.

**Grandparents**:

**Mom's mom:** Nana Jeane. SHE WAS NUTS! My grandma was insane. When me and Holly Pop were ponies she would tell us not to get up at night otherwise demons would come from hell and take us away. We would get so scared at night that we couldn't sleep. It didn't help that her house was very old and creaked. She would only give us one blanket to share. The knitted ones with the big holes. So along with being terrified we froze to death at night too. Once I was so scared to get up to go potty, I peed in a trashcan that was in the room. I emptied it the next morning in the toilet

**Mom's dad:** Unknown. She never talks about him. In fact none of my aunts and uncles do either. It's like my grandma just asexually reproduced.

**Dad's mom:** Grandma grey mare. I love her. Every time I go to her house she tells me how pretty, fun and smart I am. Which…which I really needed growing up…I'll get to that later. She is always happy and optimistic. Like you could shit in her yard and she'd be like "Thank you for the fertilizer." Or if it was Armageddon "At least it's sunny and warm outside." She is a beautiful ball of sunshine.

Now my grandma and grandpa got a divorce when my dad was a pony and they both remarried.

Grandma Grey Mare's husband is Tobi. He is a nice guy, he eats a LOT of ice cream. So he is little….chunky?

**Dad's dad:** Papa Foal. He is a snarky, happy, sarcastic old stallion. He is very sweet unless he doesn't like you then he will tease you. Also if he gets mad it is like a volcano!

Papa Foal's wife. Babes. She is a really nice mare. She is very knowledgeable about farms and all kinds of dogs. She was also Mrs. Rodeo Queen once.

I wasn't always the shy timid creature ponies see now a days. I used to be a lot like Pinkie Pie. I was loud, I made people laugh, I was outgoing and had lots of friends, I clopped, I drank and partied. But life happens and the world changes you. I guess my problem is that I trust ponies entirely too easy.

Growing up my mother wasn't a good mom in anyway. My dad, when they were still married, would go to work and my mom would invite a bunch of our "Uncles" over to see each other. Then Holly Pop and I would be shut up into a back bedroom with the movie Fantasia playing over and over. We would try to get out to eat, get a drink or pee but it was always locked. When my mom would remember to let us out her explanation was always that she and our "Uncles" were wrapping our Christmas presents! It's amazing how many Christmas presents need to be wrapped in June. Eventually my dad caught on and got tired of my mom constantly lying and divorced her ass. Mom, me and Holly Pop moved into an apartment somewhere in west Eqestria. Other times my mom would forget that she had ponies and invite "Uncles" over and **not** lock us in a back room. Honestly it was better when she did lock us in the room. My mom would pop pills, inject Celestia knows what, and go into the back room to "take naps" with the "uncles"; In front of us. (low crying) Sometimes one of the "uncles" would take Holly Pop into a back room…..I don't remember much when shit got like that, it's like my brain went on lock down. All the sound and sights would disappear. I was in my head watching cartoons or playing with my Kitty-bear. (She's a stuffed cat that I have.) Then I'd kinda "wake up" the next day my sister angry at me and my mom sleeping till 3-4 in the afternoon. Sometimes my mom would just leave, like for a few days or even a week. Leaving me and Holly Pop alone. How fucked up is that? How can you ditch your ponies like that? (sniff sniff) Sorry. Me and Holly Pop would watch cartoons and eat cereal together. I think 90% of my childhood diet was cereal.

Most of the time my mom forgot to take us to school. She wouldn't wake up at 7 and by the time she did wake up school was either half way over or over. She always said I don't want to look like a bad mom by bringing you in late. (laughs) Cuz' that's what makes you look like a bad mom. I missed most of Kindergarten-second grade. The truancy officer finally got after my mom. There was this big court thing and she almost went to jail, but somehow it was mine and Holly Pop's fault. Mom would get angry about stuff like that and generally she took it out on Holly Pop. She would hit her, spank her, say horrible things to her then…Holly Pop took it out on me.

Once when I was 3 Holly Pop hoofcuffed me to the top of our bunk bed and pushed me off so I would hang there. I tried to hold myself up with my wings but tiny 3-year-old wings get tiered fast. So I hung there for a few hours. I screamed for my mom and Holly Pop to hear me but no one came. The cuffs dug in so hard it made my wrists bleed. My mom eventually found me and beat the hell out of Holly Pop. That's not what I wanted. I wanted my sister to love me but I guess she didn't. Who could blame her? My mom was evil to Holly Pop. And here I am playing with Kitty-bear like everything is right in the world.

My mom started taking us to school which was a great thing, picking us up from school was a different story though. We told the teachers we were walking home and we would hide in the bushes. After everyone in the school had left we would sit on the front steps of the school. A lot of the time we would just walk over to our Aunt's house who lived less than a mile away from the school and stay at her house till mom came to pick us up. My aunt was always very shocked to see us. Her husband would always get angry. We would watch tv in their bedroom and hear them arguing downstairs.  
"Your sister need to get off her lazy ass and take care of her own ponies instead of pawning them off on everypony!"  
It's funny every time my mom picked us up from my aunt's she would yell and scream that we were horrible children by making her look like a bad mom all the time.

At one point we lived in our wagon. My mom said we were camping, then we lived with my grandma Nana Jeane. That didn't last!

Then my mom met Zeb. He took my mom halfway across Equestria, away from all of our family and moved us to the sticks. We lived in this tiny shack of a house that had no heat or air conditioning. It got so cold at night that me and Holly pop would get in bed together. Which wasn't normal because when I did try to snuggle my sister she would hit me a lot. I don't see what my mom see's in Zeb. He would tell me and Holly Pop how ugly we were and how stupid we were, or how we would never amount to anything. Great for a pony's self-confidence right? He hit us a lot too. He would push me down the stairs. Once he took Kitty-bear away from me. Now this was epically traumatic Kitty-bear was all I had. She was my only friend up until I was 7. Holly-pop used her magic and hit Zeb in the head with a LAMP! She gave me Kitty-bear back. My sister stood up for me! This was it we were finally going to be sisters and be happy and play together! Sadly I was mistaken. Holly Pop's grandmother fought for custody of my sister and won. Holly Pop no longer lived with me….

Things went by fairly quickly I guess. Sometimes Holly Pop lived with us other times she didn't. I was six when Summer Flowers was born. Honestly I think I was a great mom to Summer Flowers. My mom and Zeb didn't get up with her at night, didn't change her diapers generally, or fed her. I would get up make Summer Flowers a bottle, change her diapers and just lay her in bed with me. I think I did very well for a 6-year-old pony. I missed a lot of school and sleep from this but it was my job. Once when Holly Pop was visiting she gave me a break to have a moment of normal ponyhood. I was watching cartoons and Summer Flowers started crying. Holly pop went to go feed her and Zeb yelled at her!  
"Hell no! That baby ain't gonna' eat before I do. You better make me a sandwich before you feed her!" Honestly I don't know what is wrong with that stallion. I don't see how it is pony-ly possible for you to be so stupid and cruel. Naturally my sister and he started arguing. I jumped up made Summer Flowers a bottle and ran into my room. I heard the screaming and yelling. Then I guess my mom joined in. I gave Summer Flowers her bottle she was just old enough to where she could hold it herself. I peeked out of the door. Zeb was stomping his hooves on my mom leaving huge bruises. Holly Pop was standing a few feet away. My mom turned to us and screamed.  
"Do you see how he hits me!"  
I don't know what's more fucked up… Seeing your own mother getting beaten as a child or her saying that to us. What were we supposed to do? They stopped fighting. My mom called the cops, Zeb got arrested, and then a few days later she dropped the charges then he was back home like nothing had happened. Holly Pop stopped visiting. Her grandma wouldn't allow it, or for my mom to call her. So hence I couldn't talk to her either. A year or two (I can't remember) Rarity was born. Amazing how a 7-8 year old can handle razing yet another baby and a toddler. I was a great mom again. I started doing very badly in school, and I would fall asleep in classes. Somehow P.P.S was called and I had to start talking to a counselor at recess. All the other fillies and foals got to play but not me. It was ok I guess. The mare was really nice but I guess I was telling too much of the truth. I said how I was tiered due to taking care of my sisters. How I always was flying to my room to lock mom and Zeb out so they couldn't fight in front of them. It was my job to take care of them according to Zeb. Eventually the counselor called my mom. My mom explained that I had been watching Annie and that I must have made it up from that. That she takes care of my sisters and me, her and Zeb never fight, she has cancer so she bruises very easily and we always have a well-stocked house of food. That line made me laugh. I was so skinny you could see my ribs and my spine very well.

My mom beat the SHIT out of me when we got home. She held my face inches from hers and screamed. The next time I talked to the counselor I was to say none of those things happen that I just wanted attention, that I have a great mom who has cancer and is just trying, that I fall asleep in class because I'm a bad pony and sneak watching cartoons at night. Just to be clear my mom has **NEVER** had cancer. She would get body or face work done and blame it on cancer. She enjoys attention like that. The next day at the counselors I did just that. It hurt my tummy a little lying to her like that and knowing I wasn't going to get any help.  
Anyway back to the food thing. My mom and Zeb never had money for food for some reason. And what little food we did have I generally gave up me eating so Summer Flowers and Rarity could eat. I think some of the teachers figured out what was going on. Amazingly they would over pack their lunch and couldn't possibly eat their sandwich or apple or drink their milk. Thank goodness for those teachers.

When I tuned 11 Zeb decided he was going to join Celestia's Guard. He took off to try out. The SECOND Zeb was gone my mom fell back into inviting "Uncles" over again. Except this time they weren't taking naps they were playing cards. My dad would call and I told him about our new uncles coming over and mom was always playing cards. Mom quickly grabbed the phone from me and told my dad that she played poker with some of her filly friends. After that mom would sit in the room, with the phone on speaker, and her whispering to me what to say. Zeb came back completely oblivious. He wasn't allowed in as a guard but he got a job offer in Cloudsdale.

So I covered some childhood things about my mom. Now for my dad. When my parents got divorced my mom would hide me. When my dad would come to pick me up generally we hid in the closet till my dad got tired of knocking and left. Or we would pack into the wagon just before he came to get me and we would leave. A couple of times we moved without my mom telling my dad. Amazingly she never got arrested, although she did have warrants out but she never got arrested for some reason. She probably gave head to the police officers or something like that…..  
I love my dad. He is a great guy, I just wish he would have tried harder for me. He always tries to tell me how smart and talented I am. You may not know but I am a very good artist, for somepony who isn't a unicorn. My dad always told me I could grow up to be an amazing artist or a cartoonist. I once told my mom I wanted to be a cartoonist and she told me it was stupid dream. Just a quick FYI, I didn't actually get my cutie mark until I was 12. Yeah embarrassing. My dad was dating a mare named Lemon Tart. Lemon was an appropriate name for her she was a big 'ol sour puss. They dated and she was so nice to me. We would play games together, color and she played pretend games with me. All that stopped though as soon as my dad proposed to her. The second she was engaged she had nothing to do with me. Why try to show a stallion how good you are with his pony after you're engaged. You only need to impress them when you're dating. I would wake up and come out of my room and she would run out of the living room and lock herself in her room. My dad would be at work and I would kinda be alone. I would make myself some cereal watch some cartoons then go to my room. I guess she could sense when I was going in and out of my room. When I came out she would disappear, when I went in my room she would appear. The amazing Disappearing act of the step-mother! Ohhh Ahh! (Snickering) I would try to tell my dad about how Lemon Tart would disappear but she would put on a sad face and cry about how it was I who would disappear. My dad never believed me. They got married when I was seven, I cried at their wedding to my Grandma Grey Mare. How my dad wouldn't love me anymore because Lemon Tart was around.  
So that's how mine and Lemon Tart's relationship was until I was about 11 when my brother, Bennie, was born. I thought Lemon Tart was a bitch but she was nice compared to how I was about to be treated. When Bennie was born all the sudden there was a bunch of new "rules".  
I wasn't allowed in Bennie's room, or Dad and Lemon Tart's room, I wasn't allowed to hold Bennie, touch his things or be alone in the same room with him. Lemon Tart was quite cruel like that. I resented my brother. Maybe she resented me for being my dad's first child, or maybe I was proof my dad had been with a mare before her. I don't know. She knew how life was with my mom so if she couldn't be my step-mom, she could of just been my friend. I guess it was too hard for her to be there for me. When I was about 16 my brother, Crash, was born. Honestly I didn't care. I hated Bennie with all of my heart. I had no love for him at all. So why would I care that my dad bred, again, with some stupid bitch mare who didn't love me? When I visited my dad it generally was spent with me in my bedroom, or at my grandparents. When my dad tried to spend time with me like take me out shopping or take me out for a movie Lemon Tart would get mad. She would call him and cuss him out that he loved me more than my brothers or that she and my brothers didn't matter. It always ended with me saying. "It's ok dad it doesn't matter..let's just go home."

I cried a lot at my dad's. The best times with him were when everyone was out of the house and it was just me and dad.

My Grandma Grey Mare was always there for me. I would tell her about Lemon Tart and how I felt like she resented me. I told her how I didn't really care about Bennie and Crash. She would try to tell me it wasn't their fault and I should be nice to them but I just couldn't. You can't force yourself to love anyone, regardless if their family or not. She would take me out and buy new clothes, give me money and just be my grandma.

Papa Foal didn't like Lemon Tart at all! He would make fun of her the entire time she was around. And he would tell my dad, when she wasn't around, to wise up and get a divorce. I didn't talk about thing like that with Papa Foal. He generally got mad pretty quick and he would blow up. I had Babes though. She has such a gentle soul. She would talk about being a rodeo queen, how to talk to the animals, and how to truly listen to them. I didn't believe her at first, other animals talking other than us? As if. 


	2. Chapter 2

I lived with my mom and Zeb. When I was 12 we moved to Cloudsdale. And that's where I met Rainbow Dash. We moved into an apartment. It was really nice there. Ponies are like 10 times friendlier there. I met Rainbow Dash in middle school/ Junior High or whatever you want to call it. I was the new pony in school and Rainbow Dash had already lived there a couple of years. We met on the bus to school. She asked me for a pencil so she could chunk it at one of the other ponies on the bus. Then it was like fate, we became best friends. She may not have known it but I instantly fell in love with her. She looked a lot different back then! She wasn't very tom boy-ish unlike now. She was quite girly in fact. She always had her mane and tail done beautifully and she was very stylish.  
We had a lot of classes' together science, English and math. Thank goodness I had Rainbow Dash; Dashie as I call her and she calls me Flutters. Rainbow Dash was a straight A student, with all AP classes. I on the other hoof had remedial math. I wasn't very good in school. I tried really hard to concentrate but never could. I would stare at my paper concentrating and thinking then all the sudden I was watching cartoons in my head. My dad later told me I was diagnosed with ADD and Dyslexia as a young pony. I was never treated or helped with either because my mom said "There's nothing wrong with my pony and if there is something wrong, then something's wrong with me, NOW we have a problem!" Yep that's my mom. Everything was really good living there though. Mom and Zeb never fought. Zeb wasn't mean to us, he never hit us or told us we were worthless or stupid. At this time my Holly Pop move back in with us she was 16 and pregnant. Life was great besides my teenage sister being pregnant. I had Dashie. Every weekend she was at my house or I was at her's. She has two younger brothers who are identical twins. Thunder and Storm. Dashie and I called them Blunder and Snot when we were alone. I don't know what exactly I loved about Dahsie. We would watch anime show together specifically Inu Yasha. I shared my hopes and dreams with her. She always encouraged me that I could be a famous writer or cartoonist. Also we believed we were mythical creatures. (Laughing) Sorry I know it sounds dumb but we seriously believed that at the time. I was a werewolf and she was a fairy. She would describe turning into a tiny little pony who was beyond beautiful with big butterfly-like wings who sparkled and shimmered. And I turned into a big brown werewolf. All our friends believed it too. Werewolfs, nymphs, elves, fairies and even merponies. You may think we were high but I've NEVER done drugs. We would describe all the adventures we went on together as a fairy and werewolf. They were truly amazing adventures, in our heads. At night we would stay up and watch Disney movies. I would lay on my side and she would lay her head just where my hip dipped with my wing gently on her back. Thinking of those moments I almost want to cry. Then I met a foal named, Danny Boy. He was tall, everyone was tall compared to me I'm borderline "Little Pony", not many ponies liked him though. He was kind of a dick and stand off-ish. He made me laugh though. Me and Danny Boy had health class together. He asked me to be his Fillyfriend in the middle of a sex ed video. (Laughing. Wheeze Wheeze) Whoa Ok. We would pass in the hall and instead of "I love you." We would say "I hate you!" Yeah we were an odd couple. I know it's wrong and I do feel bad about it but I was dating Danny Boy and Dashie at the same time. It was unofficial with Dashie though. She was with the popular crowd along the lines of Cheerleaders, Jocks and Preps. I was popular along the lines of that random pony who everyone likes and gets along with but is/ isn't popular. If that makes since. Dashie didn't want to be public because her popular in crowd friends wouldn't accept her for it. If she would have wanted to go public I would have never been with anyone but her. She dated foals and I dated foals but we were also dating each other. We were both virgins and we agreed no sex with anyone but each other. If we got to that point. One night it happened though. I was at her house, it was maybe a quarter past midnight and we were watching tv. Then we stumbled upon a certain channel. This was when there wasn't paid for adult channels and what parent blocks were for. Two fillies and a foal were going at it. My face turned a deep red as we watched it. I started feeling awkward then I looked at Dashie. Her eyes were glued to the tv. Her mouth was slightly opened, her eyebrows furrowed, and her wings were trembling. I started imagining what it would be like if me and Dashie were doing what they were doing. My heart started pounding and my hooves felt sweaty. I didn't realize it, until Dashie asked what was wrong with me, but I had a big stupid grin on my face. Dashie was blushing she had a hoof between her legs staring at me. I guess she didn't realize what she was doing and I couldn't take it any longer. I jumped her. I threw her onto her back on the bed. I quickly, before she could object, began gently biting and kissing her neck. She purred with delight. I reached down, excited and scared, gently running my hoof down that beautiful heat of hers. She was dripping wet, which turned up the heat between my legs. Without warning I grabbed her hips, and lowered myself between her legs. I started lapping up her delicious juices. She was tart although in porn they make it seem like it's all honey and cream down there. It's not. Cum for both sides is bitter. It didn't bother me though I loved her. She arched at my tongue and her hips bucked. I reached up and threw her legs over my shoulders. It made it easier for my tongue to enter her. She cried out which made us terrified of her parents coming in. We stopped for a second waiting for the door to flash open. With my head still between her legs and her legs on my shoulders. After a few minutes she pushed my head back down my muzzle slammed into her heat. I chuckled to myself then preceded to eat that deliciousness again. She panted and begged for me not to stop, her hips kept bucking. I began darting my tongue in and out while holding her hips down. She roughly pulled my hoof off her hip and shoved it against her heat. She didn't need to say anything I understood. I gently pushed my hoof in scared I would break her hymen. I guess I'ts further back than I expected because I didn't break it. I suckled her clit while pushing my hoof in and out of her. Her legs trembled, then she dug her hind hooves in my back and cried out. I quickly shot one hoof up and covered her mouth. I did not want to get caught. She whimpered against my hoof and in a muffled voice screamed "Flutters!" I don't know what I was expecting. But when I did watch porn I always got bored after a few moments. I couldn't watch clips for too long and I never saw anypony cum. When Rainbow Dash came it squirted everywhere. On the bed, the floor, her thighs and my face. It scared me at first. I jumped back terrified I had hurt her. She just laid there panting. I climbed beside her. She laughed at me.  
"Don't be concerned you idiot I feel grrreeeaaat!"  
I breathed a sigh with relief. She finally composed herself and led me to the bathroom. Where we quickly washed off. That night we spooned. I held her as she fell asleep.

Rainbow Dash and I were inseparable. I would go on her family trips with her. She went on a skiing trip with us. Dashie took to those like a duck on water. It took me a while to get used to skiing. I'm not very athletic. Dashie was the perfect pony for anypony to have. She never got in trouble, all A's and AP classes, and took to sports like it was nothing. I guess she was the kind of pony that Zeb wanted. Zeb, and this was the only downside about Dashie, always made it a point to say how much better Rainbow Dash was than me. I was an A-B-C kind of student and I was a fast flyer but I didn't enjoy sports. I was a good actress (Drama) artist, amazing with animals and dancer. I guess those qualities weren't something to be proud of a pony for. Even though I had won awards and ribbons in my writing and art. Dashie always apologized to me about Zeb.

Sorry I got away from what I wanted to say. Me and Dashie were inseparable. I shared my deepest darkest secrets with her and her with me. Then we met Pinkie Pie. She lived in Cloudsdale too. Her family were all earth ponies but they were RICH! They had a live in unicorn that constantly cast spells on them so they could walk on the clouds. She had to fight off ponies who wanted to be her "friends" for her cash. She didn't even care about money anyway, she blew it off like money wasn't a thing.  
Pinkie Pie was a riot though. The three of us quickly became the three amigas. We all snuck out of our houses one night and walked around the Everfree Forest. It was awesome! We took some abandoned furniture in there and made us a club house. Since every pony was too afraid to go into the Everfree Forest it was truly a place just for us. And there was a cute little baby manticore that would stay in the little shack. I called him Moze. After nursing Moze back to health I finally got my cutie mark!

Pinkie Pie was the only one who knew about mine and Dashie's relationship. Pinkie Pie wanted a foalfriend but just never found the right one, I see her more as a filly lover myself but that's just me. Pinkie Pie's parties are the BOMB! When we were about 13 we would go to our shack, drink beer and wine. I hate how beer tastes it's nasty. I was the beer pong champion of our shack! I always put wine into the cups instead of beer for me. This was one sport I could totally dominate Dashie in! Club house sounded a little too kiddish so we changed the name to "The Shack". Eventually we became best friends with Braeburn and Derpy. They lived below Cloudsdale in Ponyville. Derpy, despite appearances, is a genius. She was really smart, maybe even smarter than Twilight Sparkle. No one wanted to be friends with her, do to her eyes. I guess ponies were afraid they would catch her deformity somehow. Stupid. Anyhow me and Dashie didn't show our affections to anyone, except Pinkie Pie, not even Braeburn or Derpy. Dashie was too afraid of not being accepted.

I liked Braeburn he was a pretty funny pony. He cracked a ton of jokes. Ponies made fun of him for only hanging out with us fillies. His defense was that the fillies loved him. He just didn't so well with other foals. He wasn't into most sports and he didn't brag about "getting it on with the fillies". He was a gentlemen….for the most part. Now he did fart, burp and cuss in front of us but we didn't care.  
Derpy was great too. She wasn't very funny on purpose. She bumped into things a lot. She knew how to make problems go away and she always made us feel better when we were down. 

Rainbow Dash and I had gotten into the habit of being friendly with each other when we were at each other's houses. I was happy Danny Boy was a sweet foal. He would protect me, buy me things when he had money, pay for our dates and even bring Rainbow Dash on our dates sometimes. All was well, my parents weren't fighting, Holly Pop was taking care of her first pony perfectly, Summer Flowers and Rarity were growing up into normal amazing fillies and I had a great foalfriend and fillyfriend.

One night I stayed over at Dashie's house. She seemed uneasy the whole time like something was bothering her. When we went to bed, she blushed deeply and told me she wanted to try something. She reached under her bed and pulled out a strap-on. Instantly my heat was dripping wet. I had dreamed about doing this with her for so long. I loved her, and this would be the ultimate way for me to make her physically feel how much I loved her. I very quickly got down and started licking her heat. I wanted her to be ready for our first time having sex. I knew it would hurt. I had heard stories from other fillies how painful it was losing your virginity. Pretty soon she was more than ready. She helped me put on the strap-on. There are lots of straps and certain ways it has to be. I was so scared when she laid below me. I was shaking and so worried about hurting her. She reached down and guided me in. She moaned so softly when I was fully in. I very gently moved inside her, I was waiting for her to cringe or cry from me breaking her hymen but she never did.  
"Flutters."  
"Yes?"  
"Fuck me faster!"  
"Kay!"  
She got up and stood wanting me to mount her in a more normal fashion. I gripped her hips and entered her swiftly. I pounded into her forcefully, as she kept commanding. I leaned forward and moved her mane away from her face. I moved to playfully kiss her ear. She would shake and moan every time I would mess with her beautiful ears. I leaned forward once more only this time I grabbed her mane and gripped it roughly. She must have enjoyed that, for I felt her cum splash my leg. She trembled and huskily breathed.  
"Flutters…I can't…last…longer." I gently pulled out and helped her to the bed. I was disappointed in a small since. I rather wanted her to take me in the way I had just taken her. That nigh I held her gently spooning her as we fell asleep.

The next morning Rainbow Dash sat me down and told me whatever we had, had to end. My heart dropped into my stomach shattering. She didn't like where this was heading and she didn't love me like this, she loved me as her sister. She wanted us to still hang out and be friends but this couldn't happen anymore. I was so hurt. I would much rather someone break both my wings and never fly again then her do this to me. And to top it off I didn't take her virginity that night. It turns out she and Braeburn had sex one time on a date. I wanted to die.


	3. Chapter 3

Shortly afterwards Rainbow Dash moved, that hurt me just as bad. I don't quite remember where she moved to but it wasn't anywhere close. Pinkie Pie and I grew closer, not in the way I was with Dashie, just closer as friends. Danny Boy and I grew closer as a couple though. He would talk to me about us growing old together and having a little pony of our own. I started really loving him. I was beginning to see how loving he could be if given the chance. He and Red Ryder (my little brother) were the two loves of my life. When I wasn't on a date with Danny Boy or at his house. I was playing with Red Ryder. I would hold him up and coax him to flap his little cute baby wings. We would play, watch movies, and when no one was looking feed him TONS of candy. It was nice not having a baby, well playing with him as a sister instead of a mother. I still hung out with Derpy and Braeburn. He was still a good guy even though he had hurt me greatly. But he didn't know. Dashie had broke up with him before she moved, saying long distance relationships didn't work. Then Derpy and Braeburn started dating. Derpy is quite attractive if you ask me. It didn't last long though. Braeburn wasn't over Dashie in anyway. I think he could have possibly loved her as much as I had.

A few months later Holly Pop got married to Red Ryder's dad and moved into a house with him. I cried seeing my sister leave my life again, along with my sweet handsome Red Ryder. Shortly after I turned 14 we moved away from Cloudsdale, that's when the shit hit the fan again. I begged my mom to let me bring Moze but she said no. I cried for him, what would become of him when I left?

We moved to Appleoosa. Turns out that the town was owned by Braeburn's family. After we moved Danny Boy stopped talking to me. I would call and his parents would tell me he was gone, when I saw he was online I would try to message him but he never answered. He just stopped talking to me. Which hurt just as much as Rainbow Dash breaking up with me. Have the fucking decency to break up with sompony don't just not talk to them, it's fucked up. Things went back to the way things were. Zeb took on a crappy job, so did my mom. I was left to clean the house, do 5 different ponies laundry, get dinner started, make sure Summer Flowers and Rarity did their homework, were clean and showered, got to bed on time, make them lunch and get them off to school. While trying to get through High School and doing my homework. Yeah not too big of a load for one teenage pony to take on herself.  
Holly Pop and Red Ryder moved back in. Then it was Holly Pop's job to all the chores. I feel like a bit of an ass; I didn't help her. Now that it wasn't my job I was able to actually do homework and try to get my grades up. Which I did I wasn't failing any classes anymore and was back up to an A-B-C average.

One night I was on the computer typing a 5 page report due for my English class. Somehow Red Ryder had gotten a permanent marker and started coloring on the walls. The two of us plus Summer Flowers and Rarity were all in the same room. My back was turned to them as how the furniture was laid. Summer Flowers and Rarity didn't think to take away the marker and let him color on the walls. I was completely oblivious to him. Zeb came down the stairs and hit me hard in the head.  
"Why the fuck are you letting him color my fucking walls?"  
"I didn't know he was coloring."  
"How the fuck did you not know?"  
"I was doing my homework."  
"Your stupid homework is more important than the walls, I pay for, being colored on?" He was screaming at me by this point. And I don't know what came over me but I screamed back.  
"It's not my fucking job to watch him, my job is to get good grades, graduate and go to college!"  
Zeb stomped over to Red Ryder and smacked him, making him cry. I felt horrible, this was my fault. I should have taken the blame for him, he was just a baby. My homework wasn't that important. I was stupid. Zeb marched out the room screaming about us stupid worthless ponies. I ran over to Red Ryder and comforted him. Held him in my arms and gently wrapped my wings around him. We both cried. I screamed at Summer Flowers and Rarity for not stopping him. I was so angry with them and at myself. I should have taken the blame, he should have hit me not Red Ryder and I should have just failed a class again. Who cares right? I started doing badly in school again constantly switching between Summer Flowers, Rarity and Red Ryder. Balancing all this and school was too much. Then I met a stallion. Wild West was his name. He wasn't the brightest stallion but he was handsome. He was a senior and I was a sophomore. I'm 15 and he's 18 no big deal right? We started dating. He had his own house and had a job. I thought he was pretty smart for an 18 year old. I didn't tell my parents I was dating him, they would freak that he was 18. Well things were getting harder living with mom. She and Zeb were constantly fighting, Zeb was constantly hitting us or saying how ugly and worthless we were, and Me and Holly Pop were sharing all the household duties. My mom had started doing a wonderful thing of telling Holly Pop how I was better than her because I was in school, I didn't drop out, I was a virgin, I didn't have a pony and I was going to be better than her. While my mom is telling me how better Summer Flowers and Rarity were better than me because they made straight A's, they were going to be able to get into college and have great careers while I was never going to amount to be nothing more than a burger flipper. Fucking bitch. So Holly Pop hated me, while I hated Summer Flowers and Rarity.

One night I laid in my bed crying. I had looked at my life and felt it was horrible. I had a step-father and step-mother who hated me, my step-father beat me, my older sister hated me, my mom said cruel shit like that 24-7, I was failing in school and Zeb's voice was really getting to me. I was telling myself how worthless I was all the time without even thinking. I called my dad and asked if I could come live with him.  
"Uh, I don't know. I'll have to talk to Lemon Tart and see if she's ok with it." He had told me all my life if I asked I was always welcomed to live with him. Now when I needed my dad most he has to think about it? I felt so unwanted and unloved. And I didn't want to do this anymore, or feel this way. I called Wild West, WW for short, and told him to come get me. I threw some of my clothes in a trash bag, put on a sweater, left a note saying I was running away and waited for WW outside.

I was so excited and happy. I didn't think of anyone, all I thought about was that I didn't half to feel bad or be hit anymore. Which made me cry a little. It was over and I was free. WW showed up very quickly with a wagon and we left. He lived over an hour away and I always deleted him number from the phone when we talked. The only other person who knew that I was running away was Rainbow Dash. I called to tell her, I didn't want her to worry. We arrived at his apartment. It wasn't too bad. You could definitely tell it was a stallion's apartment. There were clothes everywhere, empty pizza boxes, and dirty dishes. It wasn't much but I was home. No more being told I was worthless, no more being told I was stupid or ugly, no more being hit. A tear came to my eye. I was so happy.

Or so I thought…I couldn't sleep that night. I felt so bad. How would my sisters feel? My dad? My mom? Red Ryder? What would they think happened? I tried shacking the thought out of my head. I was 15 I just had to wait till I was 18, so no one would get in trouble. I imagined the reunion and how happy everyone would be. They would be happy to see me and they would love me and WW. Well maybe not WW but it was going to be an amazing reunion.

Me and WW didn't do much. I wasn't allowed near the windows, outside, to use his phone or be outside the bedroom when he wasn't there. Now we DIDN'T have sex or anything like that. His member was huge! I was afraid to do anything and be ruined for life. I didn't eat the first day I was gone. I just couldn't eat. I didn't eat the second day or the third. I couldn't stomach anything. I mean I was hungry but I didn't want to eat.

On the third day WW got a call from his mom. The police had talked to her about a young missing Pegasus that fit my description. The idiot admitted to her that I was there! So she called the police told them where I was and then told WW they were on the way to pick me up.  
This was it my short life was over. Zeb was going to kill me. I hugged WW begging him for us to flea and never look back.  
"But I have to go to work…" He left with me in his apartment; alone and terrified. I prayed to Celestia that the police wouldn't come and get me, that somehow they would see I didn't need to be with them. My heart dropped into my stomach when I heard the door knock. My mom, Zeb and a police stallion were at the door. I drug my trash bag of clothes to the door. My mom was shocked that I had taken clothes. It was kinda obvious, A closet full of only hangers. My mom cried and squeezed me. Zeb actually hugged me. I think only because you can't hit anypony when the police are around. The police informed me that WW was not 18 but actually 21 years old. Which actually caught me off guard. On the wagon ride home mom and Zeb screamed at me the entire time. I thought about jumping out the wagon and flying away. But where would I go? Can't go to my dad's. Dahie was entirely too far for me to fly. We stopped and got some food, mom and Zeb stopped talking which was a nice break.

When we got home mom marched around town with me and made me take down all the missing pony posters. I wasn't allowed to sleep in my room that night. I had to sleep in Holly Pop's room. I was a little irritated not being able to sleep in my room. Red Ryder slept in the bed with Holly Pop and he kicked. I didn't sleep well at all. One night when I was missing Rarity slept on the floor in my room and had an accident. (She peed) So in the morning mom made me clean the spot that reeked of piss. Awesome. Then I was sitting in my bed watching a movie when mom and Zeb walked in. They unscrewed the door from the hinges and took my door away.  
"Privacy is a privilege." I know it was a bad thing to run away but seriously? In a million years I would never take my ponies door away. So as payback to my parents, for taking my door away, I was disgusting. I would sit in front of my door pick my nose, burp, fart, and the best scratch my private parts. Mom and Zeb would yell.  
"Fluttershy don't do that nasty shit where we can see!" And I would always reply.  
"Privacy is a privilege." Within a few days of me doing this I got my door back.


	4. Chapter 4

My dad called me and said he was proud of me for running away. He was proud of me for expressing myself. But he wasn't proud of the fact that I ran away…. A bit confusing. Then P.P.S came to the house to interview me. They asked me a bunch of how is your home life questions. At first I didn't say anything. I kept looking at mom for what I was supposed to say. After a few moments the P.P.S officer told my parents to wait in another room with an officer. I told them everything! How mom and Zeb fought, how Zeb hit us, how they didn't buy groceries, how I was underweight, how me and Holly Pop were always cleaning and taking care of our sisters, I poured my heart out to the officer. Maybe this time we would get help. And they would take us away. And nothing happened again!  
I don't know why nothing happened. So I hate P.P.S I don't think they do anything to help anypony. I didn't actually feel bad for running away till I saw my Grandma Grey Mare. She held me and cried. She told me to never do that to her again. My heart hit my stomach like a rock. I felt lower then dirt making my grandma cry. When she asked me why I ran away. I didn't want to tell her all the bad things that happen at my mom's. So I told her I just didn't feel like my mom or my dad wanted me. Things were ok after that.

My mom tried to tell me that I wasn't allowed to talk to Dashie after that. I bluntly told my mom that, that wasn't going to happen. Apparently my mom called Dashie to see if I was somehow there. Dashie's mom told my mom that maybe if she wasn't such a shitty mother that maybe her ponies wouldn't run away. My mom could hear Dashie in the background laughing.

We moved again. I don't even remember where. Now with us moving no one in the family was allowed to tell anypony that I had ran away. So we all agreed that it was a secret like it never happened.

We lived in a hotel for a while, a couple of months at the max. Me, Holly Pop, Red Ryder slept on the pull out couch, while every pony else slept in the bedroom in the beds. Eventually mom and Zeb bought a house. It was a decent house. Huge backyard and it was a split level house. So it kinda had 3 stories but not really.

We met our neighbors in this new house. A family of zebras. They were nice but kinda weird. The first day we moved in the mom was vacuuming her lawn. Yes. Vacuuming her LAWN!  
The house was filthy when we moved in. My mom had me scrub the bathtub with two cleaners that are EXTREMLY dangerous to mix. She had me keep the door closed so the fumes wouldn't bother Zeb. I had the window open but the more I scrubbed the tub the more I felt dizzy and kind of sick. After a few hours of scrubbing the tub it was white as can be. I went and laid down on the floor of what was going to be my bedroom. I was on the bottom floor, while everyone else was on the very top floor. It was nice. I didn't hear any arguing or anything. My room was peaceful there were clouds painted on the walls and ceiling.  
Well school shortly started, our things arrived, we were completely unpacked, mom and Zeb had done all the renovations they wanted, and things were pretty good. Until I got home from school one day.  
I walked into the house, walked into the kitchen, my mom was having coffee with our neighbor. The neighbor ran to me and slapped me across the face.  
"How dare you run away from home like that! Do you know what that did to your mother?" She screamed at me. I felt the blood boil in my veins. I hadn't told a soul at my new school that I had run away, I didn't discuss it with my family or friends or anypony. I was pissed. I was so angry all I could see was red.  
"Fuck you! You weren't even supposed to know that I ran away. We agreed that no one was supposed to know! And you tell her?" I threw my bag down and stormed to my room. Fuck that dumb bitch. Slapping me across my face and my mom just standing there? I was so angry I was shaking. My mom came down to my room.  
"Why did you tell her? It was none of her business."  
"Well what was I supposed to do Fluttershy? I was telling her about us moving and I couldn't come up with a reason for why our moving was delayed."  
"You couldn't just say it was a family emergency, and leave it at that?" I was so angry and somewhat hurt by my mom. It was supposed to be a secret.  
The next day I went to school and told everypony I had run away! I said it like a greeting.  
"Hey before we moved here I ran away." Or "Hey you know I ran away." I didn't care what anypony thought or who knew. Eventually Zeb's work and bosses found out that I had run away and questioned him. Zeb came home pissed off. He sat me and mom down and calmly asked who told.  
"I told everypony because mom told our neighbor." I didn't care if Zeb beat the life out of me, this was the truth. Amazingly Zeb wasn't angry with me, he was pissed off at my mom.  
"Why the fuck did you tell our neighbor that she ran away? Did we not agree that we were not to tell anypony?"  
"Well yea but I couldn't think of a reason that our move was delayed."  
"Who the fuck cares Rosie! It was none of her fucking business!" I walked out and went to my room. It was a bitch move of me to tell everypony at my school but I was so angry with my mom for telling our neighbor. And her just standing there when the neighbor slapped me in the face.

We had moved to Manehattan, sorry I just remembered. I'm a bit ditzy like that.

Things went back to normal mom and Zeb fought except they only fought in their room. Which was a nice change. I was a junior in school. I was determined to graduate on time. Once again I was not good in school. I met a handsome stallion named Crescent Moon. We didn't date, he was a stallion-lover. Although when he did put makeup on you would easily mistake him for a mare. He looked good as a stallion and a mare but that's beside the point. We were best friends. He would style my mane and tail, do my makeup and dress me in sexy clothes. I was his dolly. And I enjoyed it, it was fun. He designed his own clothes. He got his cutie mark from looking at the moon one night and was inspired! He incorporates a crescent moon in every one of his designs. They are actually quite good. Crescent Moon did a lot of plays in the Drama club, both designing outfits and being an actor. I can easily picture him being a star! Hopefully when he does, he doesn't forget about us little ponies. I didn't make a lot of friends in Manehattan. Ponies there aren't very nice or friendly. It's everypony for him(her) self. I didn't have a foalfriend in Manehattan. Most of them were foal-lovers. And I never had a filly-friend other than Dashie.

I didn't have any friends in Manehattan either. I started getting really shy. I didn't talk to ponies, I was afraid of ponies seeing my bruises. I didn't talk to most ponies. The only friends I had were all foal-lovers which was kind of nice. Then I met Twilight Sparkle. We went to the mall a lot together and went shopping. Twilight was different from now too. She was a bit of a rebel. Her mane and tail were died black but she still had the purple and pink streaks. She looked pretty cute. So I kind of lied at what I said earlier we didn't shop…we shoplifted. We stole tons of things, it was easier since she was a unicorn. My mom never caught on to me stealing I told her Twilight bought the stuff for me. And she went along with it. Twilight and I became really close. I wanted her to be my filly-friend but she doesn't roll that way. She helped me in school and I started getting A's and B's with only a C here or there. I was doing better than I ever had in school. I had few friends but we were all close, was doing good in school but something was missing. I needed a companion. I begged my mom for a pet. A dog, a rat, a cat, a ferret, a hamster anything! I just wanted a pet. My mom said no to every single one but she said I could have a fish. I know I'm the animal queen but I don't think fish are pets. They are a living decoration. I was sad I loved having a pet to take care of and bond with. Pets always make you feel better. They hold all your secrets and don't judge.

After a few months I gave up on asking my mom for a pet. Then Paris Hooftoon came out with a Chihuahua in her purse. All the sudden everypony had a Chihuahua in their purse. Like having a living creature is a fashion statement. It made me sick. My mom of course forced Zeb to buy her a Chihuahua strictly for fashion. Zeb came home with a teeny tiny Chihuahua puppy. And a high end name brand purse that cost a flank and a hoof! I was pretty irked with my mom. I went into her room when Zeb brought the puppy home. I had to admit she was adorable. She was tiny, jet black and so so sweet. My mom named her Lady after one of her favorite movies. The one where the two dogs noses touch when their eating spaghetti. It was one of my favorites too. It was ironic. Lady wanted nothing to do with my mom and adored me.

I didn't want Lady at first I was being a moody teenager and was mad at my mom for getting a puppy strictly for fashion. When I wanted a pet for love and companionship.

Lady was my true best friend. She was always in my room. I loved her so much. When I was sad she would run and lick my face to cheer me up. When I was happy she would give me her belly. Like "I love you, rub my tummy!"

I would ride my skateboard, slowly, and take Lady on walks. The only time my mom wanted Lady was to shove her in her purse and go to important events. Stupid.

Life was great now. I had the best friend I could have that loved me for me.


	5. Chapter 5

Crescent Moon and I went to the prom together, I looked fantastic and Crescent looked quite handsome. After the prom we went to a party together. I felt very uncomfortable being at the party. There were a lot of ponies doing drugs, drinking and having sex. Like in the living room in front of everyone. I don't mind drinking but all the other stuff should be done behind closed doors. I went to sit on the couch and a filly started giving a stallion head in front of me. It freaked me out BAD! I jumped up and asked Crescent to take me home. He poured me a shot and told me to calm down, that this was how the world really was. My stomach turned. This was not how I wanted to see the world. I liked it being all good and happy and not seeing this shit again! He took me home and apologized to me. My mom and Holly Pop stayed up and waited for me. My mom gave me a long lecture about safe sex. Stupid right? Why would you give your pony a sex lecture AFTER prom? And besides she was late on that. I had lost my virginity to Danny Boy. I regret that though. I loved Danny Boy and thought it was special. He didn't apparently. And Crescent Moon would not have sex with me even if his life had counted on it. He thought having sex with a filly was absolutely disgusting. And he couldn't see how mares and stallions had sex. Holly Pop knew Crescent was gay and knew nothing happened. Twilight said I should have brought Lady to prom. And I really wanted to! I would have put a pretty dress on her and held her while we danced.

A few days later the fucking unthinkable happened. I was washing dishes and Red Ryder was playing outside. He was playing with a broken broom stick. You know ponies always find a stick to play with. I was keeping an eye on him through the window. Zeb came into the kitchen.  
"Yeah, you stupid piece of shit you better wash these dishes." I bit my lip so hard it bled a little. He went outside and then I heard screaming. I looked out the window to see Zeb beating Red Ryder. I was in shock, I couldn't move. Red Ryder ran inside crying, he held onto one of my legs.  
"Please Flutters please! Don't let him hurt me!" I extended my wings blocking him. Zeb ran inside.  
"Where the fuck is he! I was going to fix that fucking broom and he's playing with it!"  
Zeb started at me. I turned around and grabbed a knife and held it at Zeb's throat.  
"Don't you fucking touch him, or I WILL kill you!" Zeb stepped closer.  
"Would you really?" I was so angry and hurt for Red Ryder. He was just a little pony, how could Zeb be cruel to him over a stupid fucking broom! I pressed the knife as hard as I could, without cutting him.  
"I would gladly kill you if you touch him again. I will go to jail for the rest of my life happily knowing Red is ok and unharmed. While you are rotting in the ground!" He nodded and walked away. I set the knife down and held Red Ryder.  
"I love you baby. He will never ever hurt you again. I promise. And if he does I will make him go away." I closed my eyes holding Red, I took peace from this moment knowing at lease Red would never be hurt again. I was starting to drift deep into my mind, not in a slumber, but in happiness. When I felt a mind numbing pain fly up my wing and down my back.  
"Fuck!" I turned around to see Zeb smirking. He full-fledged kicked me in the back.  
My mind snapped.  
"Go downstairs Red!" Red flew downstairs. I jumped ontop of Zeb, knocking him onto his back, I pressed the knife hard to his neck cutting him slightly. Zeb's eyes widened, he began shaking, and I could see in his eyes the utter terror.  
"I said if you ever touch him I WILL fucking destroy you. Now you are taking me to the hospital you piece of shit." He got up and wrapped a bandage around his neck, then wrapped a scarf around his neck. He called my mom, told her she needed to come home and watch Red, because I had crashed while flying and broken my wing. We went to the hospital and sure enough my left wing was broken. They wrapped it and put a cast on it. We came home and Zeb didn't tell mom or anypony what had happened. I called my dad and said I needed to move in with him. My mom cried and cried when we were packing my bags.  
"Your dad finally won. You're moving in with him. He finally won." I didn't realize I was something to win between my parents. I moved to Ponyville where all my family lived.

I was so happy to be living with my dad, although I was so sad about leaving Lady behind. I hurt me deeply but I couldn't be around Zeb anymore. I was 17 years old. I started school. My final year. I was quite proud of myself. I busted my rump all my years in high school to graduate on time, so I could take care of animals. I was working hard in school. I kept an actual A B average. For the first time ever. Then one day I met him Hayseed Turnip Truck. Everypony just called him 'Hayseed' or 'Truck' I know he's not the best looking pony but I liked him a lot. We started dating and I felt pretty happy. I had a foal-friend who constantly hushed the voices in my head telling me I was ugly and stupid. He was there for me.

The only thing that stunk about living with dad was Bennie and Lemon Tart. Lemon Tart was always pointing out my flaws. Bennie and Crash made all A's, why don't you? Seriously they were in elementary school why wouldn't they make straight A's. I pretty much left mom's and moved into the same situation! Except without the physical abuse.

Lemon was just like Zeb. When my dad was out of ear-shot she would tell me how ugly, stupid and worthless I was. How Bennie and Crash were better than me. How I would never be her pony and she would never love me as her own. Also she never wanted me to live with them. It hurt deeply.

Maybe Lemon and Zeb were right. Maybe I was stupid, and ugly and...Worthless. My heart was breaking. I finally gave in I was a worthless pony. Why bother with anything. I'm not going to turn out to be anything special. I had Hayseed though. We had fun together. We went to Medieval Pony Fair's, movies, mini-golfing and we would just go for nice walks together. Plus we went to school together so I got to see him every day. Like I said earlier he wasn't the handsomest pony, and he wasn't the smartest but he was sweet. My dad didn't like Hayseed nor did anyone else in my family, but you know teenagers in love. I stopped focusing so hard in school and focused more on Hayseed. So obviously my grades slipped a lot! I had A's B's C's and F's. I didn't care about my grades I mean I was worthless right?  
Lemon started telling my dad that I was sneaking out of the house at night to go see Hayseed. That I was doing drugs, and having sex. Which wasn't true, well I did have sex sometimes with Hayseed. I was safe though, we always used condoms. I didn't want to have a pony at a young age just like all the other fillies in my family.

I enjoyed being at Hayseed's house though. His parents and brothers were so nice to me. His parents were nicer to me than my parents generally were. My dad wasn't really there for me anymore. Whatever Lemon said my dad would back her up, even if I had proof I was telling the truth. It hurt too I felt like it was pointless for me to have moved in with my dad if everything was going to stay the same! I talked a lot to my Grandma Grey Mare about how I felt and how Lemon was to me. She and Papa Foal would try to talk to my dad about Lemon but he never herd what anypony was saying.

It was getting close to the Running of the Leaves festival and it was time for me to visit my mom. I took a train ride back to Manehattan to see her. Finally getting to Manehatten I was so excited to see my family and very excited to see Lady. Just a warning you forget when you're away from family, all the bad things and only remember the good. Don't forget the bad.

Arriving at my mom's I looked all over the house for Lady. I began to get worried because there wasn't a trace of her. I panicked a little and asked my mom where Lady was.  
"Oh I forgot that I didn't tell you. Lady died."  
"What? No. How?" My heart broke in two.  
"She was running and hit her temple on the corner of the steps. She had a seizer, we took her to the vet and she died. She died a few months ago. We buried her in the back yard." I ran outside tears streaming down my face. There was a little spot with rocks surrounding it. With a small pink rock engraved with Lady. I sat in the mud crying. I cried so hard my stomach hurt. My body rocked with every sob.  
Why? Why Lady? Why didn't my mom tell me Lady had died? Why wouldn't she tell me? I felt a hoof on my shoulder. I slowly turned praying it wasn't Zeb, to my relief it was Holly Pop.  
"Hey. I'm so sorry mom didn't tell you about Lady. It was wrong of her not to tell you. I thought she did." I turned around and cried into my sister's shoulder like a pony.

I was so close to Lady. Like Celestia herself took a small piece of my soul and put it in Lady. She was y friend, my baby. Now she was gone, I would never see her again…


	6. Chapter 6

I was pretty depressed the entire time I was at my mom's. Zeb's usual snide remarks didn't even hurt me. The entire time I was holding back crying. It was hard not to cry. Everypony else had a few months to get over Lady's death but I had just found out. I cried every night. I went upstairs one night to the dining room and sat down with Holly Pop. She was drinking and setting out cards.  
"Mom and Zeb are going to play Indian poker with me in a bit, you wanna join?" My eyes were red and my face was puffy from crying. I really needed a break from thinking about Lady. I sat in the chair next to Holly Pop and she poured me a shot. Mom and Zeb came in all giggly and drunk.  
"I'm so glad I get to be a fffff-fun parent aaand let you drink flu-utter sssshhhy." My mom slurred. I was a little shocked that they were ok with me drinking at 17, but whatever. It was a lot of fun though. We were drinking, laughing, joking, and just being a somewhat normal family. I hadn't had this much fun with my mom and Zeb in….well ever. Zeb was the first to be completely shit faced. He fell out of his chair and fell on the ground passed out drunk. I was proud of myself, I outdrank a grown stallion. My mom said she wasn't drunk as she stumbled up the stairs to bed. She kept saying it wasn't from drinking, she was just tiered. Then it was just Holly Pop and me. We started going shot for shot till neither of us felt like drinking anymore.  
Not from drinking so much but we wanted to watch a movie. Watching a Disney movie is amazing when you're drunk. We sat together in her room laughing and trying not to wake up Red Ryder. I looked over at Red. He had grown so much. He was 6 years old. I wondered if his mind blocked out the whole incident with me and Zeb, like my mind had done with so many memories. We left the room because Holly Pop was afraid of waking Red up after a while.  
Summer Flowers and Rarity were sitting in the living room watching TV. We decided to hang out in the shed with Summer Flowers and Rarity. Because Holly Pop wanted to smoke.

She had some crushed up poison joke. If you smoke it, it only has a minor effect. It makes you high but it also changes your voice, kind like helium. Anyway. Holly Pop started smoking the poison joke and she passed it to Summer Flowers. And thankfully Rarity didn't smoke. I was just having fun sharing memories, I didn't really want to smoke.

Holly Pop laughed and told me that, when we were ponies, she was vacuuming and sucked up the vacuum cleaners cords. She told mom I had done it!  
"I can't believe you told mom that I sucked up the cords! That's why she never let me vacuum. She always yelled at me that I was going to suck up the cords again!"  
Everypony laughed.  
"I got you back though. When I was living here, I had swept a bunch of dirt under the living room rug. Mom was doing some spring cleaning and found all the dirt! I told her that you did it!"  
"Oh my Celestia! Mom cussed at me for hours!" We laughed so hard. It was nice laughing with my sisters and not hounding them like a mom. We shared secrets and told each other stories. Rarity got tiered, she needed beauty sleep. I got a little sad though Summer Flowers told us that she had already lost her virginity and had been smoking poison joke for a while now. She had been drinking and mom didn't care. It made me feel sad, I was stupid and lost my virginity at 14 my LITTLE sister lost hers at 11! To a perverted little 16 year old stallion!  
I would kick his ass if I found him! Summer Flowers eventually went to bed, me and Holly Pop stayed up. Holly pop tried to talk to mom about all the stuff going on with Summer Flowers, but mom freaked out on her.  
"It ain't none of your business Holly Pop! I am her mom I will parent her however I want! So fuck off!" Mom screamed at her.

How the hell could mom do a complete 180 like that? Holly Pop and me even sneezed out of line and our asses would be grass. Summer Flowers and Rarity would scream, cuss, talk back, sneak out, do drugs, have sex, and just be little tyrants! Mom and Zeb didn't care! WTF?

I went back to my dad's soon after that. And also soon after that Holly Pop got kicked out of mom and Zeb's house. She called me and told me that Summer Flowers beat the shit out of her. Now Summer Flowers is a big mare. She was bigger than me already. Holly Pop was trying to tell Summer Flowers she couldn't have foal-friends over while mom and Zeb were gone. Summer Flowers lost her mind! She kicked, stomped, punched, and bruised Holly Pop all over. Holly Pop didn't fight back because Summer Flowers was under age. She would have gotten arrested for hitting someone underage. Mom and Zeb came home and kicked Holly Pop out of the house. Summer Flowers told them Holly Pop started it. So Holy Pop and Red Ryder were kicked to the curb. Luckily Holly Pop was dating a sweet stallion who let her and Red move in.

Red had his own room. He enjoyed it so much. Holly Pop grew up a bit. She got a job, signed Red up for day care, stopped doing drugs and got on with being a grown mare. I was quite proud of my sister.

I was sitting on the couch with my dad telling him about Lady dying. I wanted a Chihuahua puppy to kind of get over Lady's death. Not that Lady didn't matter but everypony does it. Once you're pet dies you get a new one to try to help forget how bad them dying hurts.

I had an animal caretaking cutie mark, I was getting my grades to where I was still passing everything, I worked at a vet/ doggie daycare, and I had my own money to take care of it. My dad said those were pretty good points and he'd talk to Lemon Tart about it to see if it was ok. I was so excited I knew they would say yes. I mean they would never have to fork out any money or have to take care of it, I would be completely responsible over my Chihuahua puppy. I was quite stupid in thinking that they would say yes though. Lemon Tart marched down stairs and start screaming at me.  
"You are so selfish Fluttershy for wanting a dog! Bennie is deathly allergic to dogs and that's why we didn't have one!"  
"Funny. Your parents, we'll all your family have dogs and so does Papa Foal but Bennie never has an allergic reaction with those dogs." Lemon was speechless. Did she really think I was that dumb to believe that lie?  
"Well if he pets a dog and rubs his eyes, his eyes turn red."  
"That would happen to anypony if they rubbed a dog and then rubbed their eyes." Lemon stormed off. My dad told me that I couldn't have a dog because of Bennie. I decided that I would wait to have a dog.


	7. Chapter 7

I was still down from Lady and not being able to get a puppy of my own. I was walking home from school one day. I had missed the bus home because of tutoring. And Lemon Tart was supposed to pick me up but I guess she forgot. I had called her over and over again on my cell phone but she wouldn't answer. Convenient right? I wasn't sure how to get to the house. I'm not good with directions. I walked around and couldn't find the street, then I flew around which made it worse. I was so lost. School had gotten out at 4:15 and it was 6:45 now. I had no idea where I was or how to get home. Lemon wasn't answering my calls and my dad wouldn't be off work till 8 tonight. I sat down on the side walk and cried. Luckily a squirrel that lived in our tree in the backyard saw me and led me home. I thanked him, kissed his little furry face and ran inside at 7' O clock at night! Lemon Tart was sitting at the table coloring with Bennie and Crash, like me being missing for 3 hours wasn't a big deal! It hurt so badly. What if I had been ponynapped, hit by a wagon, killed, or even raped! She didn't care, not one bit.  
"Hey Flutteryshy!" Bennie yelled. Lemon turned around and scowled at me.  
"What are you doing home so late?"  
"You were supposed to pick me up. But you didn't answer my calls."  
"I haven't missed any calls." She grounded me. I wasn't allowed to leave, talk on the phone or use the computer (except for homework) for the next two weeks. My eyes started to water, I walked upstairs and forced myself not to cry. I did my homework and laid in bed. My dad came home and walked into my room.  
"So you're going to skip dinner?" I shook my head and went downstairs for dinner.  
Lemon asked how Bennie's day was. He said all the things he learned and did in school. Then she asked how Crash's day was and he told her how his day was. I looked forward to her asking me how my day was. Other than her blatantly ignoring me and me not coming home for a few hours I had a good day at school. I had tutoring with my teacher and brought a 70 up to a 95. I was quite proud. When it came to my turn though Lemon asked if dad wanted to know how my day was. My dad smiled at me and said yeah.  
"Well Fluttershy came home at 7. I had no idea where she was and I didn't get a call or anything. She was probably out doing bad things with her foal-friend Hayseed. So I grounded her for 2 weeks." My dad looked so angry with me. My eyes watered again. I put my empty plate in the dishwasher and went to my room.  
"You weren't excused!" Lemon shouted at me. I ignored her, I didn't care. I locked the door and cried into my pillow. Seriously? What if I had been hurt? I hadn't done anything wrong while living here. I never snuck out, talked back or anything, yet I was always being degraded for the world to see and I was always grounded.  
I herd the door knob jiggle.  
"Fluttershy will you let me in?" It was my dad.  
"No." I sobbed.  
"We need to talk." I reluctantly got up and let my dad in.  
"I looked at Lemon's phone you did try to call her a bunch of times. 34 to be exact. And she had 44 text messages from you. Lemon said she didn't see any of them." I smiled meekly at my dad.  
"But you're still grounded. But only for a week."  
"Why? I didn't do anything wrong."  
"You didn't call me." I was a little stunned.  
"Why would I? You were at work."  
"You still should have called me." My dad wanted me to hug him but I didn't. There was no reason for me to be grounded. I had called Lemon like I was supposed to I stayed after school for tutoring like I was supposed to. Yet I was still grounded? His arms were out wide, I flipped over and laid down with my back toward him. My dad left my room and closed my door. I crawled out of my window, sat on the roof and stared at the moon. The squirrel from earlier hopped on the roof and scurried to me. He asked me why I was on the roof and why I was upset again. I told him sometimes I had bad thoughts. Sometimes I thought of committing suicide. I know it wouldn't solve anything but I wouldn't feel anything. No sadness, no pain, I would cease to exist which made me happy thinking about.  
"I know it's bad to think. And I don't want to die, so I stare at the moon. I don't know why but the stars shimmering and the moon so bright and big makes me feel good. It brings me comfort." He smiled at me, as long as I didn't do anything he was always here to talk to me. I asked if he could be my pet. He declined. Nothing against me, it's just squirrels are meant to be outside and wild. I understood though. Why would he want to be caged and trapped when he could be free?

I went back into my room and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, it was a Saturday, my dad was working out of the house, Lemon was already gone for work, and my brothers were still sleeping.  
"Morning Fluttershy!" My dad yelled happily as I trotted down the stairs. I didn't say anything, I didn't want to talk to him.  
"Not talking to me?" I didn't answer, instead I proceeded to make myself a cup of coffee.  
"I made you a cup honey." I sat next to my dad, I didn't make eye contact or talk.  
"Why are you upset with me?" I was dumbfounded.  
"Seriously dad? I was lost yesterday. Lemon did NOT care that I was missing. What if something bad happened? Lemon was SUPPOSED to pick me up, yet I get grounded."  
"Am I supposed to ground Lemon?" I know my dad was just trying to make me laugh but I was not in a good mood.  
"No dad. You're supposed to stick up for me. I didn't do anything wrong!"  
"You didn't call me."  
"Why would I?" I screamed. "You were 2 hours away! Either way you would have to take off work early, get penalized at work, try to find me, and I STILL would have been home by 7-8!" My eyes started watering. I wasn't sad just angry. I don't know what I was more upset about my eyes watering making me look stupid or my dad just fucking with me.  
"You never stick up for me. You always side with her even if she's dead wrong!" I slammed my coffee cup on the table and left the kitchen. My relationship with my dad was getting worse and worse, it was all Lemon's fault. I sat in my room crying again. I was so sick of crying. After an hour my dad knocked on the door.  
"Flutttershy you're not grounded anymore. If you want you can go to Hayseed's house for the day. You just have to be back home at 11pm." I instantly called Hayseed and told him to get his dad to come pick me up.

I had so much fun at Hayseed's house. We sat in the living room watching Disney movies.  
"Hey sexy!" It was Wheatseed. Hayseed's younger brother. He wasn't that much younger Hayseed was 17 while Wheatseed was 16. I loved Hayseed's family so much! His dad called me princess and was there for me. No matter what. His mom always listened when I needed to vent or needed advice. She would even style my mane for fun. His brother would hang out with me even when Hayseed couldn't. Hayseed and his family loved me. It was wonderful being with a family who loved you and made you feel wanted. His parents took all of us out to dinner and a new restaurant. The food tasted bad but I wasn't going to be rude and not eat. When we got back to Hayseed's house I felt so sick.  
My stomach hurt, my body started to ache and I was pouring sweat. Hayseed's mom felt my forehead.  
"My gosh darlin' yer' burnin' hot!" She gave me a thermometer. I was 105 degrees!  
"You must of got food posionin' from that damned restaurant." Hayseed's dad carried me to his wagon and took me home.  
I laid down in bed throwing up all night. I had a small glass of water that I didn't touch on my nightstand. The squirrel stayed in my room that night, he kept dipping a washcloth in the water and putting it on my forehead. I wanted to die. I got to the point where I couldn't throw up anymore but I was still dry heaving. My stomach was sore from all the drastic jerking. I  
eventually fell asleep on the floor.  
Sunday morning came and I was exhausted. I slowly walked down the stairs. Lemon and my dad were sitting at the kitchen table. I grabbed a little celery, maybe I could stomach that. I slowly started eating when Lemon asked.  
"What drugs did you do last night?"  
"What?" I was dumbfounded.  
"You herd me. What drugs did you do last night? Nothing would make you this sick other than drugs."  
"I didn't do any drugs. We went out to eat…at a restaurant and…the food was terri…" I ran out the kitchen and into the bathroom. I began throwing up the 2 bites of celery I had. I threw up for 5 mins straight. How could I throw up SO much, but have nothing in your stomach?

I went upstairs and laid on the floor. Dad and Lemon came in my room.  
"You didn't answer my question Fluttershy." Lemon said scowling at me. "What drugs did you do at Hayseed's house?"  
"For …Celestia's sakes! I…didn't do any.." I paused to once again throw up in the trashcan in my room. "Drugs!" My mane dripped with sweat and y body shook. I hated everything right now.  
"I did drugs all throughout my teenage years Fluttershy, so I know you did drugs last night." My dad said looking rather mad.  
"Seriously? If..you did drugs…you WOULD know…." I put my hoof over my mouth, I was going to finish this sentence without vomiting. "That drugs don't…..give you fevers…dad!"

Obviously I was lying about doing drugs because I was grounded for 3 weeks. Lemon threatened me that they were going to do a weekly drug test on me. I told her to go ahead I didn't care, and she could watch me piss in the cup for all I cared!

After 3 weeks of not being able to leave the house, not talk on the phone, be on the computer or watch tv, I wasn't grounded anymore. I immediately went to Hayseed's house. We were walking down the street when we saw an elderly mare with a sign saying puppies for sale. I instantly flew over to her.  
"What all puppies do you have for sale?"  
"Yorkies, poodles, terriers and Chihuahuas." My heart pounded with excitement! I looked at all the Chihuahuas but none of them felt like my own.  
"Thanks anyway mam'." I said rather downhearted.  
"Well I have this one, but he's the runt." She pulled out a teeny tiny little puppy that was white as snow, with a tiny little pink nose. He had the biggest chocolate brown eyes. I held him.  
"Do you want to be my baby?" I asked him. He wagged his tail so hard his tiny little bottom shook, he liked all over my face. Our eyes met and I instantly knew this was my baby.  
"You're my angel." He beamed at me. We both knew his name would be Angel right then. I called my dad to once again ask if I could get a puppy. Why would I think he would give me a different answer? It made me sick to hear that Bennie was allergic! NO THE FUCK HE WASN'T! I started to give Angel back to the mare, when something in me snapped. I held him as tight as I could, gave her my money and left. I had my puppy.

Hayseed's parents said it would be ok if I could keep Angel at their house. I deserved a puppy. I deserved to have this one thing to myself and feel happy.

Angel was perfect! He was always happy to see me and was so full of love..for me at least. I would take him with me around town. He had a little hat he would hear so he couldn't get sunburned. And I always put, puppy safe, sunscreen on his cute little nose; so it wouldn't get burned either. He was my little baby.

Of course when things are going great for me the shit hits the fan. 


	8. Chapter 8

A month had passed and my dad and Lemon still hadn't found out about Angel.

For my 18th birthday my dad signed me up for long distance flying classes. Like for cross country flying. I was so excited! I could fly to my mom's instead of riding the train. I was waiting outside for dad or Lemon to pick me up. Nopony came. I waited outside of the school even after all the teachers and students left.  
Once again I called Lemon's cell phone, my dad's cell phone, and the house phone. NOPONY ANSWERED! This felt familiar. I sat outside hoping my dad would pick up his phone when it started to pour rain. I waited for an hour and a half in the rain, when I called Hayseed's dad, his name is Jaybird by the way.  
"Mr. Jaybird?"  
"Hi princess! How are you?"  
"Cold and wet. Will you come pick me up? I'm at the Fast Flyers School."  
"Oh my Celestia! You're outside in this storm?"  
"Yeah…"  
"I'll be there in 2 shakes of a ponies tail!"  
When he and Hayseed showed up with their wagon, they brought me a blanket.  
When I got home my family was just sitting down to eat. Did my dad not love me anymore? Did I not matter? How can you forget your own pony?  
walked into the house with me.  
"Hey dad." I said flatly.  
"Where've you been?"  
"At the Fast Flyers School! You were supposed to pick me up!"  
"Why didn't you call me?"  
"I DID!" My dad looked at his phone, then the house phone then at Lemon's phone. "Oh you did call us. My bad honey."  
"Can I go eat at Hayseed's house?" There was no way in fucking hell they were going to say no.  
"Sure honey go eat dinner there. Curfew is 10." I went upstairs to dry off more than I LEFT!

Turns out that my dad and Lemon had been snooping through my bank statements to see exactly what I was spending my money on. Even though it was none of their business! So while I was spending dinner with the 2 loves of my life (Hayseed and Angel), dad and Lemon were snooping through my room. They found all my bank statements. It was dumb of me to keep them but I didn't really know what to do with them.

"Why did you withdraw 250 dollars?"  
"What?"  
"Why. Did. You. WITHDRAW! 250 DOLLARS Fluttershy!" My dad said struggling to hold in his anger. What could I possibly buy as a young filly, who lived with her parents? I saw no reason to lie.  
"I bought a puppy. He lives at Hayseed's house so Bennie will never have an allergic reaction."  
"Are you fucking serious!" My dad's face was turning red. "That's the worst thing you could EVER do as a teenager!" My dad was screaming at me, and Lemon was just beaming. Like she was taking such pleasure from my dad being mad at me.  
"The worst thing dad? I can think of a billion other things I could have bought with 250 dollars."  
"Like what?"  
"I could have bought a ton of drugs, paid somepony to buy me alcohol, or got a back alley abortion with 250 dollars dad. But instead I bought a puppy. I bought RESPONCIBILITY." Lemon jumped forward, less than an inch from my face.  
"You have a week to get rid of that mutt. AND YOU WILL! Or you're out of this house!" I looked at my dad, he didn't make eye contact with me. He was really about to let his bitch wife kick me out of HIS house over a puppy?  
"Fine."

The next day I went to Hayseed's house. Hayseed and me sat down with his parents and had a serious discussion with them. I told them all about Lemon, even how she told me that she would never love me as her pony. I told them how I did love my dad but he wasn't there for me like was. How I couldn't live with my mom because of Zeb beating me and Holly Pop constantly. I would help with groceries or pitch my money in where ever I could. I would even sleep in the garage if I needed.  
and Hayseed's mom quickly held me in their arms.  
"You can live here princess. You and Hayseed can share his room. And you will be loved as our daughter." said gently. I started crying.

I went home, my dad and Lemon were sitting on the couch.  
"Did you get rid of that dog?" Lemon yelled over her shoulder.  
"Nope." I went upstairs and began packing my things. All I could think about was being away from Lemon. My relationship with my dad was becoming shit, due to Lemon's bitchiness. And I still didn't like Bennie and Crash. Why would I? Lemon was constantly saying how much better Bennie and Crash were than me. How much better their grades were than mine. How much smarter they were than me. How they were, in general, better they were than me. But that didn't matter now.

My dad didn't talk to me for the next couple of days. I was still packing my stuff when I wasn't at work or school. I was 18 now so I signed a paper saying I was the only pony in charge of my report cards and all paperwork. It was neat I could sign myself out if I wanted. Then that Friday I moved in to Hayseed's house.

It was a little awkward at first. I felt like if Hayseed wasn't there his parents might get mad that I was there. It was stupid, obviously they were fine with me being there. It was nice having Hayseed with me 24-7. Always being held and told how beautiful I was. Always having Angel around. My little baby to snuggle and hold and spoil! He was my baby 100%. I almost took him to work with me one day on accident! I grabbed my purse and almost didn't realize he was inside it, till I started to fly to work. He poked his little head out when I was halfway to work. I called work real fast and told them about Angel in my purse. My boss said it was fine for me to bring him. So Angel went to work with me!  
I clocked in, and began cleaning out empty kennels, Angel just stayed in my purse. He didn't like other dogs really. Angel just watched me, his eyes were so big and full of love. Like I was his world.

Soon Hayseed got a job at a farm as a workhoof. It was nice both of us having paychecks. I would splurge here and there on Angel. Buy him little shirts, hats and necklaces. He loved it! But money would always go "missing" from our account. Hayseed always told me it was him buying music so I thought nothing of it. Hayseed was so sweet when I got home from work he would rub my wings and shoulders. We would shower together and discuss our day. We never had sex in the shower or that often really. I was only 18 and I didn't want to get pregnant. Hayseed would try to win me over about how awesome it would be to have a pony now but I wasn't gonna fall for it. I was NOT having a pony at 18. He just wanted sex. All stallions are like that. When I did finally give in to the consistent begging, it was over fairly quick. I hadn't really had sex. I mean Danny Boy and me were virgins, so neither of us knew what we were doing. But Hayseed said he used (Yeah right used) to watch porn and he knew all about sex. I don't like saying sex it just sounds yucky. I like saying making love. It's more intimate, corny, but intimate. I never orgasmed though… I guess I was one of those fillies who just didn't? I always acted like I did though. I didn't want to hurt his ego. Sometimes I would give him head, which I didn't like. He would want to cum in my mouth but, and I know it doesn't taste good but OMC, his cum tasted like rotting food! It would make me gag hard like being forced to drink a rotten fruit smoothie. I wanna gag now just thinking about it. I told him I just wasn't a filly who did that sort of thing. Bleh!


	9. Chapter 9

Five months passed of me living at Hayseed's house. And it was time for me to graduate! I was so happy and proud. I was the first pony to graduate in my ENTIRE family. I wore my robes and my cap. As they called my name I walked across the stage. The principle moved the tassel to the other side and gave me my diploma. A tear came to my eye. I had done it. After all the ponies constantly telling me I wasn't going to graduate, I wasn't smart enough or good enough…I did it. I walked down the stairs and met up with my family. Amazingly everypony came!

My mom took me aside.  
"We did it Fluttershy. Me and Zeb were so hard and mean to you, so you would buckle down and graduate."  
"No, I did this. I busted My ass, so I could graduate mom. So don't you dare try to take credit."

My dad asked if I wanted to celebrate with all the family with some pizza. Lemon butted in and said that they had other things to do so they couldn't. So I celebrated with everypony else in my family.

At the pizza restaurant Hayseed purposed to me! He wanted me to be his wife. He really loved me. I wrapped my wings around him and screamed yes!

That night I sat on the porch looking at the moon. I remembered everything in my life leading up to this moment. I was so proud of myself for graduating, for standing up to my mom, being engaged now, and just in myself in general. I was a good, smart, beautiful pony. I shivered a little at the thought. It's really hard to call myself good things. A voice in my head just starts screaming how stupid, ugly or worthless I am. I was able to shut that voice up for a while. I wasn't stupid, granted it's not rocket science to graduate high school, but fuck I was the first pony in my family to graduate! And now I was engaged to somepony who really loved me.

A month afterwards Zeb called me. They were taking Holly Pop to the E.R. she had tried to kill herself. She had taken a whole bottle of pills and was having seizers on the floor. My heart dropped into my stomach. My sister was going to die. P.P.S stepped in and took Red Ryder away from her and gave my mom full custody. I would of taken him but they were not about to give an 18 year old a pony. My heart hurt. I called my mom constantly for updates. Holly Pop was going to make it amazingly. She was a little messed up now from all the pills she took. The hospital wanted mom and Zeb to keep Holly Pop at their house but they refused. She ended up living in a halfway house. She had gotten so depressed because her piece of shit foal-friend was actually married! Yeah he had that apartment so he could have affairs. Fucking pig! She was so hurt, she thought he truly loved her. She didn't think of Red though… But luckily mom was going to pick Red up for the night and found Holly Pop. I hurt for my sister. I wished I could be there to comfort her and make her feel better.

We lost touch for a while. She didn't want to talk to anypony and just wanted to be alone.

Soon Hayseed talked to me about joining the Crystal Empire Guard. He would have to train for 3 months and we weren't married yet so I couldn't go. I would have to stay in Ponyville until he came back.

When Hayseed left I was so depressed. So I discussed it with Hayseed in letters, and discussed it with his parents. I went out and bought another dog! She is a papillon, her name is Cocoa. She was so stunning. She was 4 months old while Angel was 7 months old. Close in age and they would be the best of siblings. I was really happy. Hayseed'd brother, Wheatseed, and I became really close when Hayseed was gone. We would go to the mall, go to the movies, or just sit and talk. He became my best friend. One night I kept having nightmares. Nightmares about Zeb hitting me. Apparently I kept screaming in my sleep. Wheatseed ran into my room and woke me up.  
"Flutters Flutters wake up!" I woke up shaking and crying. He held me for a little while. We went into his room and slept. Not together. He slept on his couch and I slept in his bed. I had my Angel and my Cocoa.

I started taking money out of mine and Hayseed's account and setting it in a different account just in case of emergencies. Hayseed pestered me in a few letters to tell him what the new account was but I didn't tell him. I didn't want him to buy something stupid with the emergency money. I was really good about paying bills and buying things we needed and THEN buying things we wanted; only if we had extra money. Hayseed, on the other hoof, was not! He would buy things he had been wanting then be upset that we couldn't pay for things we needed. Plus money kept disappearing out of our account. I wrote to Hayseed but he said he had taken some money out here and there for food and things like that. And the bank was no help they wouldn't tell me what purchases Hayseed was making on his card.

I got a promotion at work! I was a dog caretaker, then a Bather, now I was a Groomer's Assistant! I got a 2 dollar raise. So instead of 8 dollars an hour I now made 10 dollars an hour! I had the bank spilt my checks. Half in the emergency account and the other half in mine and Hayseed's joint account. I excitedly wrote to Hayseed about my raise. I was quite proud of myself.

The next 2 months passed by fairly quickly. With me pulling 10-13 hour shifts Monday-Friday time just flew by. Hayseed graduated the Crystal Empire Guard School and took a train down to see us. We got married in the courthouse. I know it's not the wedding every filly dreams of but at least we were married.  
Soon moving ponies showed up at the house and started packing all of our things. I was so excited we were going to have a house of our own! Hayseed left soon after that back to the Crystal Empire. And I didn't hear from him at all. 

I called his phone over and over. I called his friends to try to get ahold of him. His friends all said they had no idea where he was. Except one friend, Tex, he always told me where he was.  
"He's out fishin'." "He out a guardin' the emire." "He campin'." He was a country stallion. We soon became pretty good friends. I hadn't heard from Hayseed in 2 months and I talked to Tex almost every day. Then one day Hayseed called me out of nowhere saying he was able for me to move out to the Crystal Empire now.  
"Why are you calling me now?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I haven't heard from you in almost 3 months Hayseed."  
"I was busy."  
"Doing what? Fishing! Camping! Eating! To buy with shit to call your WIFE!"  
"I was stupid and didn't think but now I can afford for both of us to live out here."  
"Honestly Hayseed, I think you've been cheating on me. Have you? And be honest. I will be upset but not that upset if you're just honest."  
"No, I would never ever cheat on you. I love you." I needed to hear that so bad. I got on my email because Hayseed said he was sending me something.  
When I opened my email there was something there that read.  
**If this was happening to me I would want to know.** My heart started pounding, I was still on the phone with Hayseed. I opened up the email and it was Hayseed with another mare. There were pictures of him kissing her, pictures of her sitting in his lap, laying down on my bed, her wearing my clothes, and some pictures of them….. "together". I started to cry, harder than I ever cried before.  
"What's wrong baby." Hayseed asked me.  
"Fuck you! I just fucking asked you if were cheating on me! And you lied!"  
"I wasn't lying I never cheated on you."  
"Fuck you, you disgusting pig! I have pictures of you and that bitch together!" Hayseed hung up on me. I called him back over and over, but he wouldn't answer. Here I was living at his fucking parents' house, being faithful missing him while he's out there FUCKING ANOTHER MARE!?  
I couldn't think. I couldn't be at his parents' house anymore. I called one of my friends and asked if I could stay with her for a while. I grabbed Angel and Cocoa and left. I wrote Hayseed's parents a quick note saying what had happened. I was at my friends crying over and over. I was humiliated. My husband was cheating on me, and we hadn't even been married for 6 months yet! My heart shattered into millions of pieces. Angel kept kissing me and telling me that he loved me. That he would always be here for me.  
Tex called me and told me he was sorry for not telling me that Hayseed was cheating on me. He didn't want to be the one that broke my heart. He loved me and didn't want to hurt me.  
Now I was pissed at Hayseed for being a disgusting pig headed pony asshole, and at Tex for not telling me. I cried for hours. I truly loved Hayseed, how could he hurt me so badly?  
Finally Hayseed called me, panicking. His parents told him I left. He took it as I went missing.  
"Are you ok? Why did you leave my dad's house? Why didn't you say anything?"  
"Why do you care?"  
"I love you, you're my wife."  
"Fuck off! You don't love me. If you really loved me you wouldn't be off fucking other mares!"  
"I do love you! I just wasn't sure if I wasn't sure if I wanted to be married yet."  
"Well I'm glad you decided that AFTER WE WERE MARRIED!"  
"I'm sorry. I can't say how shitty I feel. I'm truly sorry. I love you." I hung up. Hearing him say he loved me made me sick to my stomach. He hurt me. I went to the courthouse for divorce papers. If you've been married for under 6 months you can get your marriage annulled. It's like your marriage never happened. I signed every page I needed to, I didn't want to be with him anymore. I called Hayseed and told him he needed to sign the papers too. He started crying, screaming please don't leave me. I didn't care that he was crying, I wanted him to hurt.

A few days later I was looking at Cocoa and Angel. They were laying together in the sunshine, cleaning each other's faces, full of love for one another. I cried a little more. I wanted Hayseed to love me and be faithful. I sat on the floor that night watching the moon. Hayseed and I had sat together so many times before just watching the moon.  
Maybe we could try to be together. Maybe we could get over this. Maybe we would be ok?


	10. Chapter 10

I moved out to the Crystal Empire to try to work it out with Hayseed.  
The more I tried being ok with him, the more I resented him. He had cheated on me.  
He was so stupid! All the shit he had bought her was still in the house! He didn't bother to get rid of any of it! Clothes, lingerie, jewelry, sex toys were all over my house! I walked around the house throwing everything of hers away Hayseed kept acting like the affair didn't happen.  
"I bought that for you honey." He kept saying. Right the lingerie with cum stains all over it is clearly brand new, and for me. I was so angry. My heart broke a little more.  
Why would you keep all the things you bought your "other woman"? I washed my hooves over and over I felt sick over touching her things.

I laid down on the couch, I wanted to cry but I wasn't going to allow that. Hayseed sat beside me. He started rubbing my shoulders and wings, it was nice, I needed to distress. I started to relax and pretend I was somewhere else. I started pretending I was a princess and being rubbed by royal servants. I was in a castle where everypony respected me and loved me. I started to drift into my imagination when I felt Hayseed kissing my neck. I jumped a little and pushed him away.  
"What the hell Fluttershy, we hadn't fucked since you got here a few months ago."  
"And were not going to. I don't trust you yet."  
"Somepony told me once that trust is like a piece of paper. Once you ball it up, it can't be fully straight again." I stared at him with a blank look on my face. WTF was he talking about. I didn't trust him yet. I didn't want sex, how could I get all hot and bothered for you when you when you cheated on me? Plus one of Hayseed's friends came over and told us that Hayseed's ex-filly-friend could be pregnant. I didn't care. I was stupid to come out here.  
Tex moved in the house with us, we couldn't afford rent on our own. Hayseed wouldn't allow me to get a job, in fact I wasn't allowed to go to the store without him, leave the house without him or Tex. I didn't care anymore my life was pointless.

One weekend Hayseed said him and some of the guards had a training exercises they had to do, so he would be gone for the next week. I believed him. The guards had to do lots of training exercises just in case of a Changling invasions or Discord doing something...again.

He left and it was me and Tex. We talked about our lives, I told him about all my brothers and sisters, how I felt about mine and Hayseed's situation. I still loved Hayseed but I didn't trust him at all. I felt like he was still cheating on me. I felt stupid for thinking I could trust him. I wanted it to be like it used to be. I wanted the love, the kisses the romance. I hated that all he did now was bug me for sex. There was no romance, no passion, no love. He would come home and tell me to suck his dick. EW! He just got home from work. He would get all sweaty and smelly from wearing that armor all day. Nasty right?

Sorry I got off subject. I would get stressed out and frustrated because Hayseed was always fucking up our house. It was always filthy. I was constantly cleaning. I had no time for myself. When Hayseed wasn't home I was cleaning, when he was home he was bugging me for sex. Tex was so sympathetic. He jumped and started helping me clean. When he got up he knocked over the coffee table. He bit his lip and quickly covered something up on the bottom of the table.  
"What is it?"  
"You ain't gonna want ta' see it." I laughed a little. What's the worst that could be on the bottom of a coffee table? Gum? Boogers? I pushed his massive hooves away. Only to find out that he was right. Hayseed had carved his and his ex-filly-friends initials on the bottom of our coffee table. With the date they had started dating. I bit my lip and walked to the bathroom. I turned on the shower, got in and just started crying.

My grandpa had hoofcarved that coffee table for us. And Hayseed ruined it by carving his and her initials into my beautiful coffee table. I had been in the shower for maybe 20mins when I herd the bathroom door open.  
"Tallright if I come in?" He asked peering around the door.  
"Got to pee?"  
"No. Just gonna' talk to a fri'n who's upset. I'm sorry yer husband's a dummy."  
"For carving him and her shit on my coffee table?" I said it jokingly to try to make myself feel better.  
"For not seein' just how damn good ya are. Yer so beautiful. You do ev'ry thin' around the house not askin' for nothin'. You just got so much love in ya. Ya are the best damn wife, anypony could ask fer."

I opened the shower curtain and grabbed him. I pulled him into the shower with me. He picked me up and held me against the wall. He kissed me all over. Telling me how beautiful and how much he wanted me to be his. Gently he held my wings against the wall pinning me slightly, I liked it. I needed this. I needed to be told I was beautiful and not sexy. I needed the passion. I needed to feel truly wanted. I liked how I felt, feeling wanted, feeling beautiful, feeling like somepony actually gave a damn about me. I loved how he was kissing me. He kissed me like I was a porcelain doll. It was full of passion and love. I could taste it. My heat started to ache I hadn't had sex in almost 5 months. I felt his huge member graze my inner thigh a few times. He didn't ask for me to touch it or anything. He just kept kissing me and touching me. It was all about me. He was turning me on for me. It sounds stupid. He didn't care that he was horny. He only cared about making me feel good. He lifted me up on his shoulders and started licking my heat. It hurt it felt so good. I screamed a little once his tongue found its way inside me. His muzzle gently rubbed against my clit, his tongue darted in and out of me. My body was shaking. I looked down to see him touching himself…hard. I wanted to touch it so badly but there was no way I could reach it. I felt an orgasm coming soon but I didn't want to cum, well not yet.  
"Please….please have sex with me." He stopped and looked up.  
"Are ya' sure?" I bit my lip. Yes I was. I needed to feel somepony inside me making me feel good. But then again no. No I didn't. I didn't want to stoop to Hayseed's level. I didn't want to just go around and fuck somepony I wasn't married to. Then again I was in the shower with somepony who wasn't my husband. And a small, shameful, part of me did want to hurt Hayseed in the same way he hurt me.  
"I…don't know."  
"I'll only do it if yer ready. I'll stop right now and we'll never talk about it if ya want me to." I looked down at the handsome stallion before me. The past few months of me being home Hayseed only said.

You're so sexy. Oh my Celestia I wanna fuck you so bad Fluttershy. Wanna suck my dick? Can I lick your pussy? You're so hot. I love you baby, I love you so much I wanna fuck you softly. If you loved me you'd have sex with me.

Shit like that. I wanted to hear I was beautiful and loved. I looked into Tex's eyes and I could see that love. That love I used to see in Hayseed's eyes. I didn't know if Hayseed loved me anymore. I wasn't sure if I loved Haseed anymore. I swallowed the lump in my throat, looked into Tex's eye and said.  
"Yes."


	11. Chapter 11

The sex I had with Tex was amazing. I hadn't felt so filled, sexy and good in ages. There is something about sex that relaxes you. It's like everything that could possibly be wrong erases, like a cigarette but better.

I woke the next morning with a beautiful sunflower on my pillow with a note.

"Good Morning Beautiful,  
I let Cocoa and Angel out to go potty this morning. I fed them breakfast and put away the clean dishes. I also made you a little something in the kitchen. I will be back for lunch. Can't wait to see you!

Tex"

I got up and ran to the kitchen Tex made me pancakes with sliced strawberries all over. I looked around the house and there wasn't any dirty clothes on the floor, no unflushed toilets, no dirt, and no yuckiness anywhere! I was so happy! I put the sunflower in a small vase. I ate my pancakes and thought.  
Today was the first day I really had time for myself in months. Tex was so sweet for picking that flower for me and doing all these things before work. I tried remembering the last time Hayseed had done anything like this for me and I couldn't. I think the last time he had gotten me flowers were when we were first dating. He never let the dogs out for me, he never fed them for me or take in consideration of everything I did around the house.

I felt nothing but happy. I realized since Hayseed had left two days ago the house was completely spotless. I went into the living room and began painting on my easel. I felt whole again. There was two things in the whole world I loved, taking care of animals and drawing or painting. I painted, and painted and painted!

The floor, my hooves and some of my body had paint flickered all over. I felt great. I looked at the clock and it was 11:55! Tex was going to be here at 12! I ran to the kitchen to quickly prepare him some lunch. I washed my hooves and wiped my face off. I quickly threw together some cucumber sandwiches. I felt terrible, Tex had gone out of his way to be sweet to me and here I was being a dick! I was cutting more cucumbers for Tex, when the front door opened.

"Hey Fluttershy."  
"Hi!" I flew to him wrapping my arms around him. He gave me a big bear hug back. "Thank you so much for the flower, note, breakfast, and for taking my babies outside."  
"Ain't no problem."  
"No I really appreciate it." He smiled at me. He lifted my mane off my face.  
"Ya been paintin?" I blushed, I had paint in my mane.  
"Yeah. I've been painting all day!"  
"Ya make lunch?"  
"Yes and no. I made some cucumber sandwiches. I'm sorry."  
"No. No it's good. I brought yall some food."  
"What?"  
"I brought yall some food home." He guided me to the living room. He had brought home lunch and put it on the coffee table. I was so happy. He did all those thing for me this morning and he brings home lunch! I couldn't be happier.  
"Don't yall worry bout them cucumber sam'iches yall made. I take 'em fer snacks." He was perfect.

The week of us being together was amazing. He didn't come home with lunch every day but I woke up with a note every morning. Every day he let Cocoa and Angel outside to go potty, he fed them breakfast, he would leave me notes, he came home for lunch every day. It was wonderful. We would stay up and watch Disney movies, eat ice cream together, just talk, and he would take Cocoa and Angel on walks with me. Hayseed never went on walks with me, Cocoa and Angel. Hayseed would say 'I don't want to look like a fag by walking little dogs.'  
Which is stupid! Not only gay ponies have little dogs. And who cares what other ponies thought of him? He was stupid.

We were walking Angel and Cocoa together when Angel decided he didn't want to walk anymore. Tex picked him up and set him on his back.  
"Dainty little thang aren't ya?" I looked at the stallion before me, with a tiny white Chihuahua on his back. I laughed a little. It was Thursday and Hayseed would be back early tomorrow morning. I didn't want Hayseed to come back. I hadn't had this much fun or felt so loved in forever. I didn't want this to end. I stopped suddenly. I was falling in love with Tex.  
"Hey you ok?"  
"Yea.." We walked to the house and sat down for dinner.  
"All right whats on yer mind?"  
"What do you mean?" I asked rather sheepishly.  
"You ain't acting like yer normal perky self." I bit my lip. I knew I was acting differently but I didn't realize it was so obvious. I took a deep breath in and slowly let it out.  
"We need to talk." He looked a bit taken back.  
"Tallright." My heart pounded in my chest.  
"I really REALLY care about you. More than I should as a married filly. You have done so many nice and wonderful things for me. I've never felt so wonderful and wanted. But all this is wrong." My voice cracked a little, I was almost crying. "I need to try to work it out with Hayseed." Saying Hayseed's name made me feel sick. I hugged Tex, I hugged him tight. Then I walked to my room and cried into my pillow.

The next morning I woke up to Hayseed comming into the room.  
"Hey Fluttershy I'm back home baby you wanna fuck?"  
"No, I'm still sleeping."  
"Whatever." He left to go take a shower. A few minuets of him taking a shower his cell phone started going off. I looked at his phone.

"Hey baby I'm so glad you took off a whole week from work for us to be together. I wish you would just move me in with you but I understand. And that goodbye sex was AMAZING! Can't wait to see you in 2 weeks baby!" 

Another read.

"Hey I'm glad you were able to slip away from your bitchy filly-friend for a quicky! I'm so happy were secret foal-friend and filly-friend. Love you boo!"

I bit my lip hard. Damn that fucking bastard! I was planning on telling Hayseed about me and Tex. How we should find a different pony to help with the rent and this shit happens! I looked through his phone more and found out he's been dating one of the mares since I HAD GOTTEN THERE! And the other one a few weeks afterwards! Fucking dick! So he hadn't stopped cheating on me. I was only his wife when it was convenient!  
I marched into Tex's room and kissed him. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and put his hooves on my ass.  
"Be my foal-friend."  
"Yes mam."


	12. Chapter 12

So Hayseed would do this routine of telling me about these week long training exercises and he would leave to go see his filly-friends. I would "yeah uh-huh" the whole time knowing he was lying to my face. He purposed to me, he wanted to be with me so why was he doing this? I didn't care anymore, so I started dating Tex.

When Hayseed would leave Tex and I would go to the movies, nice dinners, and go to the beach.  
When Hayseed was home Tex would smack my butt, sneak me kisses and we would pass notes to each other. It was nice.

After a few months of me and Tex dating I sat down and really thought about divorcing Hayseed. I didn't love him anymore. I'm sure he didn't love me anymore. Otherwise he wouldn't cheat on me constantly like this. I walked over to the court house and got divorce papers. I signed every page and filled out everything all Hayseed needed to do was sign it.

Hayseed came home from another "training exercise". Tex wasn't home, he went out to run a quick errand for me.

"Hey baby you wanna hop in the shower with me?"  
"No. We…"  
"Come on Fluttershy we haven't showered together, or had sex in almost a year!"  
"Hayseed! Just shut up we need to talk!" He sat down with a terrified look on his face.  
"Hayseed I'm filling for a divorce."  
"What! Why?"  
"Seriously? I'm not stupid Hayseed. You've been cheating on me."  
"No. No I haven't." I leaned forward and grabbed his phone. He tried to get it back from me but I blocked him. I pulled up his filly-friends messages.  
"This filly yeah you've been dating her since BEFORE I moved in! You've never stopped cheating on me. I was right not to trust you. I just want us to be over with." I pushed the papers to him to sign.  
"I'll stop I promise you! I don't want to lose you. I love you!" He was crying and screaming at me.  
"No. I don't love you anymore! You don't love me! Sign the papers."  
"I do love you! I just…you wouldn't have sex with me."  
"That's your excuse! I wouldn't sleep with you because I didn't TRUST YOU! And I couldn't fuck you when I WASN'T LIVING HERE!" My blood was boiling I was so angry.  
"You moved on huh? You just don't wanna be with me anymore."  
"I did move on and I don't want to be with you because I can't trust you."  
"Who is he?"  
"None of your business."  
"You're my wife I have the right to know!"  
"No you don't. We're getting a divorce. And I don't ask you about all the fillies you're fucking." Before I knew it I was thrown across the room. I was completely caught off guard. He had punched me in the face. I felt my eye and it was already swelling. I started shaking. I had been hit all my life but never like this. Angel and Cocoa ran to me barking and biting at Hayseed. Hayseed kicked Angel across the room. I was able to get on my hooves and throw punches back. I wasn't as strong as he was though. It was a losing battle for me. I herd the door open before I blacked out.

I woke up at the hospital. A doctor was flashing lights into my eyes.  
"Mam' you're in the emergency room. You suffered a mild concussion." Apparently before I blacked out Hayseed slammed me onto the floor. I hit my head so hard that I blacked out.  
"Now can you tell me your name?"  
"Flutt…fluttershy." He was about to ask me more questions when Tex walked into the room.  
The doctor and nurse stayed with me. He had tears in his eyes.  
"Hey Fluttershy. Are you ok?"  
"I guess…" I could barely keep my eyes open.  
"No you gotta keep yer eyes op'n." He gently rubbed my arm. I looked around. I was hooked up to a monitor and I had an IV.  
"Angel! is…an..is he ok?" Tex's eyes watered more.  
"Yeah Angel is fine. A neighbor took 'im to the vet. He's fine." He looked at me so hurt and sad.  
"It's all my fault. I should'a stayed with ya. Ya never should of got hurt."  
"It can't be that bad." I said kinda dazed. I looked around for a mirror. Tex grabbed my arm.  
"Ya don't wanna see." I was filled with fear. I yelled for a mirror. The nurse handed me a small mirror.  
I almost started crying when I saw myself. I had a huge bandage around my head, a big patch over my eye, a busted lip and big purple blue bruises everywhere. I wanted to sit up but a sharp stinging pain shook my body.  
"Fuck!" The nurse quickly put a pillow underneath me.  
"You have a few cracked ribs Ms. Fluttershy." I started crying. I looked awful. Then the police walked in.  
"Mam we need to talk to you." They needed to know what had happened. I told them everything I could remember, and I had a hard time recalling what had happened. The police told me, from Tex's statement, that Tex had walked in right after I hit the ground. I went completely lip and Hayseed started to kick me. Tex ran to us, beat the shit out of Hayseed, and called 911. The ambulance showed up and took me away. They wouldn't let Tex in because he wasn't family. Then Tex ran to a neighbor asking to take Angel and Cocoa to the vet. Afterwards he ran to the hospital. They let him in my room amazingly.  
I cried a little. Even though Hayseed had cheated on me I never EVER would have thought he would have hit me.

The police asked if I wanted to press charges against Hayseed, of course I said yes! I put Tex on the list of the few ponies who could be with me in my hospital room.

The first night in the hospital was horrible. I had to stay awake for the next 24 hours, and all I wanted to do was fall asleep. Tex stayed awake with me though, which was really nice. Every 30 mins a nurse would come in and check on me. The doctor and nurses would ask me simple questions, my name what day it was, where were we, stuff like that. Eventually Tex's cell phone rang, it was my neighbor who had Angel and Cocoa.  
"How are they?" I was so scared.  
"Cocoa is ok just a little shook up. Angel…Angel has a broken leg." I wanted to cry but I was too tired to.  
"He's fine. He has pain meds, he has a cast and I will pick them up tomorrow."  
"This never should of happened. It's my fault. I let Angel down…I'm supposed to protect him!" Tex held me suddenly.  
"It's ain't yer fault. You did noth'in wrong." I cried into Tex's shoulder. I cried about my little baby Angel who had a broken leg, I wasn't there to take care of him, I had the shit beaten out of me, I wanted my mom and dad, how was I going to tell Hayseed's family or did Hayseed's family already know, and I cried about being in the hospital.

Tex took 2 weeks off work, he told the captain of the guard that all my family lived far away and he was my only friend. They gave him the time off thankfully. I needed him with me.

A couple of days later Tex surprised me. He came into the room with my sweet Angel. He barked excitedly at me. I held my baby tight. Here we were two broken things who just needed each other. His front leg had a big blue cast, his upper arm had been shaved. I looked at Tex.  
"How?"  
"I begged the docters fer h'm to come in and love on ya." I cried happy tears over Angel. I was worried about him and I missed him so. This is what I really needed.  
"Theres some'thin else."  
"What?"  
"Mr. Jaybird, Hayseed's dad. Is here fer ya." Mr. Jaybird walked in. He hugged me tight.

"Hi Princess. I missed you so much." He held me for a little bit. "I'm so…so sorry" His voice was shaky.  
"It's ok Mr…."  
"No. No its not. He had no right to hurt you. I never thought any of my foals would ever ever hit a filly." My eyes started to water.  
"Hayseed is in jail for a year and a half. Where he should be. He keeps calling asking me and his mother to post bail. But we can't afford that. Plus I don't want him home if he's just gonna go around abusing fillies."  
I know he was trying to be sweet but I didn't want to hear about Hayseed. I felt bad for him in a weird way. I hoped he didn't get too hurt in prison. I didn't want him getting raped but I didn't want him to just have an easy ride and nothing happen to him either. I didn't deserve to be hit or any of those things.


End file.
